So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
