No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
