$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just high enough for therapy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
