That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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