i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
