I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
