Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
