Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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