Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
