i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
