i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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