I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
