mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
