atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
