I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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