Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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