So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
