Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
