I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
