It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
