you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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