I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
