apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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