Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
