I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
