So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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