what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
