I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
