Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
