whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?