Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.

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  (607): people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome. http://tfl.nu/mqe3
  Replies (32) Good night (3713) Bad night (1112)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.

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  (773): If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time. http://tfl.nu/xdpc
  Replies (14) Good night (5022) Bad night (899)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked

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  (732): You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked http://tfl.nu/rb79
  Replies (3) Good night (1254) Bad night (2984)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"

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  (774): I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile" http://tfl.nu/3hji
  Replies (10) Good night (755) Bad night (3636)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

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  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
  Replies (43) Good night (2139) Bad night (14286)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.

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  (515): Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position. http://tfl.nu/fpbx
  Replies (3) Good night (1601) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.

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  (304): I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing. http://tfl.nu/fjwm
  Replies (5) Good night (484) Bad night (1129)
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  (310): View more from California

  She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL

  (310): View more from California

  so no, not her best night

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  (310): She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL (310): so no, not her best night http://tfl.nu/htxy
  Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (2055)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.

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  (561): The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year. http://tfl.nu/xsav
  Replies (2) Good night (1509) Bad night (532)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.

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  (229): I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/rrz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1801) Bad night (629)
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  (415): View more from California

  You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.

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  (415): You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink. http://tfl.nu/i804
  Replies (1) Good night (463) Bad night (1205)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb

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  (403): I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb http://tfl.nu/fhfr
  Replies (1) Good night (607) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich

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  (802): I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich http://tfl.nu/ehbw
  Replies (6) Good night (957) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.

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  (417): People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty. http://tfl.nu/m1l5
  Replies (2) Good night (577) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker

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  (858): Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker http://tfl.nu/c3nf
  Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (225)

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