Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

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(515): View more from Iowa

the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me

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(408): View more from California

I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.

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(714): View more from California

im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.

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(817): View more from Texas

I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.

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(850): View more from Florida

A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now

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