my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night