im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
