Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The power of my boobs compel you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right