i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
