Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's just like the Real World with babies
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
