Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
