guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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