Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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