Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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