If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
