I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
