yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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