Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
