Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
