he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
