One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
