why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
