It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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