It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize