My nipple is on Facebook.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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