was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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