you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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