you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
