Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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