He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
