Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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