my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
