new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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