the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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