Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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