How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
