the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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