she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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