Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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