I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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