Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I understand Curling. That high.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.