dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.