he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit