There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.