he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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