I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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