you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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