I seem to have left my pride at pride
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
