did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize