just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
