Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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