it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
