Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
