the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
two words...techno handjob
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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