do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
