so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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