We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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