I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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