Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
