It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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