I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize