I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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