my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize