in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
